listening: if i could
It's that time of the year, again. The final 2 weeks that I, in all efforts to defy the ominous bells of futility, try to cram the whole semester's worth of work, spend sleepless nights accompanied only by the soothing sound of mouse clicks and perhaps the same three mp3s over and over again (because the mind stops differentiating after 5 am), survive mainly on coffee and things that take no longer than 5 minutes to prepare (wait, no, this happens all year), become increasingly hyper and restless, and laugh somewhat disturbingly a pitch higher than normal.
This happens every semester. I make it a point to never learn from experience.
Less than three weeks until it's permanent goodbye to school. Man. It is unsettling. School, exams, those silly Geography projects we did in secondary, studying ferns and whatnots, the all-nighters, the no-nighters (usually predicated by calm acceptance of the fact that you have absolutely no idea about the topic that's to be tested, and constant reassurance that this is just one test among the thousands that we will face in life), the kiasu asshole, trying not to be too obvious when one is being a kiasu asshole, living, breathing and existing solely for grades etc etc.
In three weeks, this will all be gone. Makes me kinda giddy. Giddy-excited. Giddy-scared. Giddy-have-been-staring-at-damn-polygons-all-day. But it's a tremendously overwhelming thought only when I think about it. So I don't have to, because more pressing matter is at hand! Like trying to graduate! Like hoping my overworked PC will remain its usual calm sensible reliable self until I've submitted all my projects! (Ever heard of using a vacuum cleaner to prevent your PC from crashing?) Like not be too tense and edgy so I don't punctuate every sentence with an exclaimation mark!
On a non-parting-with-academic-life-note, it has been a rather strange week. Things were said, but I'm not sure if I should regret them. The sad part is I'm beginning to think I should. Other things were said, to another person, which I'm pretty sure I'm not regretting, but will most probably hurt me later. Then I'll start regretting it, perhaps. Hmm. Most probably not.
I make it a point never to learn from experience.
Current top positive thought: dissapear somewhere by land travel, car, bus or train. Or go for a really long drive, have someone sitting next to me, and force this person to listen to Fiona Apple on the car radio.
previous entry: why i want to be a rockstar (october 2, 2002)