getting old

I have two weddings
to attend this weekend
rather than fretting over
the fact my ex-classmates are getting older
or envious that they've found some stiff
they don't mind sharing the house mortgage with
I worry about how to get away
with wearing the same thing Saturday and Sunday.

I have slept too much, or too little
I wake up and don't bother to tell the difference
it's not the hours that kept me awake, or asleep
most of the time it's this insane tropical heat
it's not that I dream of you, or you, or you
it's not that I don't
it's just that in dreams now, I float
love is no longer my gravity, as water is to a boat
you can say this is a sign of getting old.

I use light-coloured lipstick, ginger-orange, actually
and the lady at HRC asked for my photo ID
I put moisturiser on my toes, fingers
some vitamin E on my teenage scars
souvenirs from my lack of discipline, or adorable naivety
see, I'm taking precautions
when I'm old I want to be scar-free
wrinkles are second or third in priority
when I'm old I want to be scar-free.

I think of you, of you, of you
I do
years ago I was in a feudal country
my thoughts served only you, and you, and you
my feudal lords, I paid duties as if they were never due.

I think of you, of you, of you
don't be mad, but I still do
but as it is with democracy,
I can now leave without being told
hell, I'm even free not to vote
I guess you can say this is a sign of getting old.

these days I think too much
about how little I'm thinking
other days I think redundancy is luxury
and the other days I try to find the irony

these days I take decaffeinated coffee
I just finished Mom's box of tangerine-tinged tea
come August, I'm twenty-three.