ohm alone
(dec 1, 2002)

listening: crush dave matthews band
reading: the bell jar sylvia plath


My housemates have all gone back to Malaysia for the summer (although that feels questionable, it's been more like autumn the last few days, with rain and all. Which is good. At least is not so unbearably stickily hot.), and so are the boys, so now it feels like I'm back to my old studio apartment on Flinders St, where I used to live on my own during my first two years here. Seems like a nice, even a little ironic, perhaps (though I'm still working on finding the irony here, but irony usually only presents itself much later after the said event, so maybe I'll be luckier later) way to end this, what do you call it, chapter, the Melbourne chapter, of my life.

So yeah, this living alone, does bring back some memories. (Some, because I'm still trying to get my brain back from its Carribean holiday. Complete recall will have to wait until then.) It wasn't entirely bad or anything, just that now I'm glad I went through it, because I think, any experience, whatever kind, is worthwhile. It really does change you, how you deal with things, how you see things. Whether for better or worse, that'll be up for people around me to decide. But I still think it's worthwhile, even if I end up a worse person, because some lessons can't be taught, that'd be too simple, too quick to mean anything, too second-hand.

Before you think I'm getting all melancholy because I'm living on my own now, I'm not. Maybe I am, hmm, it's probably a little hard not to feel melancholy when it's almost 1 am, you're all alone typing a few things on your PC, and although you've shut down the blinds, the cold breeze wafting in suggests that it might be drizzling softly outside. But not a bad, crippling sort of melancholy. Romantic, idealistic, sort of melancholy, perhaps. Almost, but not quite, to the point of heroic, even, perhaps.

I know now I'll never be the kind of person who would like the idea of living alone indefinitely (though all evidence in current pointing towards the possibility of the contrary in future, hmm), but for now it's kinda nice. More than nice, it lets me unwind a little and go back to some unsettled, unsettling thoughts. Or if I don't want to, that'll be okay too. Just sort of wrapping some things and being okay with the other things dangling in their glorious frays, before life changes somewhat completely.

My family will be here, for my graduation, in less than two weeks. Daddy wants to go play golf in Sydney, among the other more touristy items on his agenda. I'm just happy to go somewhere for free, the cheapskate daughter that I am. Here's to hoping the stress will worth it.

Hari Raya in just a matter of days. Another reason to be all choked up, but not really. I don't mind the quiet, this year. Festive seasons have always been too noisy, too many people, too much effort, for me. I'll probably just be sipping a tall cappucino at Starbucks, quietly, with one or two friends, maybe, during the pagi raya. That's my big hari raya plan.

Selamat Hari Raya to all. Drive safely.

p/s: and oh, I finally got to see Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets. I'm probably the only person on the planet, excluding those in war-torn, poor, or starving countries without access to cinema, who's seen HP2 without seeing the first one. What are Moggles (Muggles? Moogles?)? Why does everyone seem to treat them with complete and utter disdain? Hermione kicks wizard's ass, though. Too bad she was...uh, don't think I should spoil the story for those who haven't seen it. Heh.


previous entry: the diner (part 2) (november 26, 2002)