(september 13, 2002)

listening: life is sweet natalie merchant
reading: juno & juliet julian gough

How has your life surprised you today?

I am tempted to add a symbol after that sentence. You know, like Microsoft's Where Do You Want To Go Today?

Nowherereallybutwhatdifferencedoesitmake. Thanksforaskingthough.

Life is indeed, full of surprises, isn't it? And the more surprising thing is, the Big Shocking Thing isn't always the scary clown around the corner, just itching to jump into your path and say 'boo!', because it's got nothing else to do. It's something that has been there all along, the mysterious pebble in your shoe that you can't seem to get rid of, the unassuming neighbour who gets home the same time everyday.

The Big Shocking Thing has been staring at you for ages, and you know this all along, although at varying degrees of recognition, you're just too preoccupied with something else for it to register. You're permanently distracted, because you've been telling yourself distraction is your only tool of survival. The only way you're going to get through your day is by dispensing your focus to the pursuit of some degree of normalcy, and what could be more normal than keeping your eyes open, full alert mode, for small, menial distractions to whittle the hours away. The most irresponsible, selfish thing to do is to be thinking about the Big Shocking Thing, to allow the shock of it all to register, and only pray that then you will be awashed in some form of discriminatory numbness. Like local anesthesia. Like removing a wiggly diseased tooth during lunch hour and still be able to function for the rest of the business day.

And I really hate going to the dentist.


previous entry: her kind (september 9, 2002)