(dec 11, 2001)

We buried a very close friend yesterday.

I just saw him the night before he passed away. Nobody suspected anything. Though I did notice that he was looking slightly thinner than last I saw him, which was about a year ago.

That night we talked of old times and new. Of things done and planned. He paid for my drink since I had to leave earlier and I promised him I'll repay the deed soon.

That's one promise I'm already breaking.

I'm not sure if I'm handling this as well as I thought I could.

This song is totally about something else, but I'm taking it out of its original context since this bit feels fit.

The First Taste - Fiona Apple
I'm building memories on things we have not said,
Full is not heavy as empty,
Not nearly my love, not nearly my love,
Not nearly.

Give me the first taste,
Let it begin,
Heaven cannot wait forever.

Is this why you're leaving us so soon?

To all my friends who are sharing this unbelievable and heartbreaking loss, I still have no words of solace. But I'm hoping all of us will find them soon, in our solitude, or in the comfort of others.