Boy am I whipped into a writing frenzy. Two entries in two consecutive days. Actually they were only written one after another, but since it's already 2:10 am right now so the second one will have to have another entry date. All for easier filing purpose, you know? If you could only see what a mess my tripod directory looks like.
(Can you actually digress in your first paragraph? Hmm. Since the first paragraph of an essay is supposed to be an introduction to whatever it is you're trying to say. So if you, um, digress, in your first paragraph, what is it actually you're digressing from? Hmm.)
Ggaa. Focus. Focus.
Yes. I was trying to talk about enjoying one's own company. By this I do not mean masturbation, though. (Trying to purge horrific graphic image from head). I'm talking about the ability to sit alone in a quiet corner without feeling -- no, not lonely, I guess loneliness is inevitable in said situation, but to feel okay, perhaps even quite content, about being lonely. That, I think, is one of the hardest skills to acquire, but once you do, it would be hard for anything else to ruin your day. Someone can just come by and break your heart in the most grotesque way possible and you'd still feel like life is still worth getting over it.
But if you haven't signed your peace contract with loneliness, it will tear you apart in ways you can't even imagine it could. Because loneliness parades itself like a huge neon-colored post-it note, saying something like, I'M SO LONELY. KILL ME NOW. It will never let you forget what you don't have, and makes you totally oblivious of what you do have, which is in most cases, more than we're usually grateful for. You live in constant envy of others. Others who don't seem to be as lonely as you are. You are the loneliest person on earth.
Well newsflash, everyone's alone down here. It's just how far we're willing to go into the land of denial and keep distracting ourselves that get us through the day.
And how comfortable you are with that huge neon-colored post-it note.
Loneliness is an assuring friend to have, yet the most lethal enemy.