the degeneration of brain cells
(july 19, 2001)

I think my brain cells are degenerating at an exponential rate. And having a lot of brain cells degenerated, I'm now actually not quite sure what exponential means. I'm pretty darn sure I used to know these things, at least more than I do right now, many thanks to persistent Calculus lecturers in college.

I shudder at the thought that I'm getting stupider each day.

However, in my defense, I'd like to attribute this growing intellectual incompetency on my laziness.

*summoning the few remaining brain cells to somehow argue my case as intelligently as possible.*


Your Honor, I'd like to bring to the court's attention, the indisputable proof that the defendant's only crime was being motivationally-challenged. Nothing more than that. Yet the State is accusing her of stupidity. This accusation blatantly mocks the thin line of political correctness and other forms of euphemisms we proudly stand, would die and kill for, Your Honor.

Okay Counsellor, now bring forth this evidence.


*shuffling of important-looking papers.*

*more shuffling.*


Okay, so that didn't go too well. I'll just get a better lawyer next time.

So far I've managed to have a less than 50% success rate when it comes to employing these crucial life skills:

i) string a fully coherent and meaningful sentence. (Exhibit A: this whole written piece)

ii) give exact change without looking too obvious that I'm doing all this hard counting in my head. Those darn Australian coins.

iii) have an attention span longer than that of a five-year old. (Example: I switch on my Playstation during TV shows so I can play a short game of Colin Mcrae's Rally during ad breaks.)

iv) finish reading one single paragraph and completely understand therefore able to empathise with the author's point of view without having to read and reread it again.

v) do simple sums (or is it sum?) (refer ii).

vi) employ perfect grammar (refer v).

And this list is getting longer as we speak.