the thrill's gone
(july 16, 2001)

I'm turning 21 next month. Big event uh-huh.

It's just that I feel like I'm already 60. Only that my skin doesn't need as much moisturizing.

I feel like youthful exuberance has slipped away from me, bit by bit. Things that should excite boppy bouncing happy 21-year-olds don't interest me as much. Or maybe they haven't been coming this way lately.

Am I wasting this wonderful opportunity of being able to study overseas by being all jaded and cynical? Maybe Australia has turned me into this person. Or maybe it's just my DNA. You can blame everything on those little spiral strands these days. Maybe my DNA is just feeling a bit lazy at the moment. Maybe they're just lying beside the beach trying to get some tan right now.

Except it's winter.

I know to complain is just plain ungrateful but I just can't seem to get myself back on the happy wagon and stay in it just yet. Tell me if you're in the same situation and feel this way. Perhaps you can make me feel better.

God I'm bored.

Happiness comes in brief sputtering short-lived spurts.

By no means I'm Linda Evangelista, but on some days I can hardly think of a good reason to get out of bed. OK, so going to class is a perfectly valid reason, but it's hardly exciting anymore. Whatever happened to that insatiable thirst for knowledge? AHAH. AHAHAHAHA. Hee hee. You're a funny person.

Uni starts again tomorrow, though.

I know I'm sounding a bit incoherent from paragraph to paragraph. That's exactly how I feel right now. Incoherent. Disjointed. Displaced. Dissociated.

21 next month.